Heal Thyself

My wounds bleed as my memory unwinds.

I created these injuries and earned my scars.

I can never forget what I have done to myself.

Forgiveness is all I can offer as a salve.

This is my path to self-forgiveness and healing.

Walk in my words if you need make this journey too.

To my inner self I send these words of apology:

I am sorry for the scars you carry from my words and actions.

My misdirected pain and anger lashed you every time.

I am sorry I never listened to the kind words you spoke.

I reveled in my agony and inflicted it on you.

I am sorry I called you hateful names and blamed life on you.

My frustration and ignorance guided me through those days.

I am sorry I stole your hopes and silenced your dreams.

Only now do I realize you were guiding me to happiness.

I am sorry I shattered your faith and separated you from those you loved.

Solitude stood in the doorway of my house with my invitation.

I am sorry I left you to fight demons when you needed my strength.

I chose the Road of Defeat and made my residence there.

I am sorry I tried to kill you a thousand times, a thousand ways.

I needed you but put on the world's form instead.

I am sorry I took your lyrics and twisted them into ugly screams.

I listen now and use your words as inspiration and courage.

Forgive me as many times in as many days as you need.

I am able to forgive myself the errors I have made.

My wounds close as my healing begins.

I recognize my mistakes and earn my forgiveness.

I can learn from the things I have done to myself.

Knowledge from my mistakes is what I now offer.

I tread this path of self-forgiveness and healing daily.

Forgive yourself of your errors and take your healing journey.

Away

Love, take me away from this place.

Rescue me from this dull normalcy.

Love, let's ride far away on your blond horse

To your castle of shells gleaming in the morning sun.

Love, carry me away to our private dimension

Where we can live out all our sacred dreams.

Love, brush away my pain and sorrows as I do yours

Until we find our precious sanctuary.

Love, let's leave this life far behind us

And forget everything that caused us grief.

Love, I find in you my beautiful asylum.

To think of you brings me peace.

My Fifteen Favorite Albums

15.  Aimee Mann "Lost In Space"

14.  Jennifer Lopez "This Is Me...Then"

13.  Anna Nalick "Wreck of the Day"

12.  Matchbox Twenty "Yourself or Someone Like You"

11.  Madonna "American Life"

10.  Lady Sovereign "Public Warning"

09.  Cowboy Troy "Black In the Saddle"

08.  Evanescence "Fallen"

07.  Britney Spears "Blackout"

06.  Beth Hart "Screaming for My Supper"

05.  Korn "See You on the Other Side"

04.  Alanis Morissette "The Collection"

03.  Britney Spears "Britney"

02.  Madonna "GHV2"

01.  Spice Girls "Greatest Hits"

Ordinary Soul

I am no one special, just an ordinary soul,

A young poetess embracing her ideologies

And preaching her truths to all who would hear.

An agent of change but not change itself,

I am just one more among the masses.

My struggles are no greater than those you face.

Sisters and brothers, our troubles are one being.

Pain, sin, temptation, weakness, illness, fear-

All belong to the one who Fell to Darkness Great.

We must rise above the Fallen to our Sacred Home.

Let my successes and happinesses belong to all.

He who is our Father grants us our joy be one.

Ordinary souls connected by Blessed Blood,

We reach out and support each other through all.

Fumble and falter as we may, we will not fall.

I will never be a legend, just another voice,

A young woman journeying through life

And taking the hands held out to prevent my fall.

An agent of hope but never hope itself,

I am just one more ordinary soul.

Lament of the Poetess

One day I am but a blank page in the book of life;

The next I am a blood curse on history's vellum.

I do not know my place, my course, my name.

Blind and deaf, I grasp for solid darkness.

How am I to make it through without awareness?

In a world of zombies, vampires, and spectres,

I feel one more among the wakeful dead.

How do I warm my breath and brighten my eyes?

Alive again, how? Where are the living ones?

Where is the sun, so I may walk in it once more?

Lost in the dark forest of my thoughts and fear,

I know nothing anymore. I feel... What do I feel?

No answers spring forth. Confusion is its own evil.

"Make a path and live despite death" echoes through my trees.

It's a long way back home and I must make this journey.

15.  Natalie Merchant

14.  Mary Chapin Carpenter

13.  Jewel

12.  Sarah McLachlan

11.  Indigo Girls

10.  Alanis Morissette

09.  Jann Arden

08.  Corrinne May

07.  Shawn Colvin

06.  Evanescence

05.  Beth Hart

04.  Aimee Mann

03.  Meat Loaf 

02.  Anna Nalick

01.  Tori Amos

I Am

I look for the beauty in others but never in myself.

I offer forgiveness to anyone, anyone not me.

I treat others with respect but shatter my confidence.

These faults have been forming for two decades now.

I cannot dismiss them easily, but the first steps I can take.

I recognize these self-cruelties and cut their binds.

My eyes take in my own beauty as easily as others.

I am beautiful.

I am beautiful.

I make mistakes just like anyone. My errors forgotten.

I am forgiven.

I am forgiven.

I am strong and compassionate, intelligent and capable.

I am confident.

I am confident.

I look for beauty in everything I see and do to everyone I meet.

I forgive sins readily, and do not wallow in mistakes and failures.

I respect myself first and through this respect all others.

My Truths

There is war in solitude.

There is hatred in peace.

We will be one only when we number one.

Evil requires no great effort.

Good exist only where there is struggle.

Prayer is answered with silent words.

There is hope in pain.

There is redemption in blood.

Losing is winning and winning, losing.

Dreams are reality waiting to happen.

Friends are students and enemies are teachers.

To sleep is to be fully awake.

There is silence in screams.

There is truth in lies.

Ugliness hides within great beauty.

To breathe is to drown.

Falling is flying.

Knowledge lives in ignorance.

There is conflict in logic.

There is chaos in meditation.

Purification

Fire burns away my sins.

The flame purifies my being.

My wrongs and fears now ashes.

Blinded to cruelty by smoke and flares,

My tainted skin blisters away to new flesh.

Imperfections peel and old wounds fall to cinders.

Sparks set off my tangled memories,

Torching my inferior self.

As the flames die down, I will emerge,

Pink flesh and pure innocence.

With the community pool opening up on June 1 and the weather warming up, I cannot help but think back to my many happy summers here in Texas.  Music has always been a big part of my life and I thought I would share my ideal soundtrack for summer.

Top 15 Songs for Summer

15.  "Two Pina Coladas" as performed by Garth Brooks

14.  "Girls Like Me" as performed by Mary Chapin Carpenter

13.  "Feel the Sun" as performed by Melanie C.

12.  "Dry Town" as performed by Miranda Lambert

11.  "Summertime Blues" as performed by Alan Jackson

10.  "Just a Ride" as performed by Jem

09.  "The Seashores of Old Mexico" as performed by George Strait

08.  "A Good Day to Run" as performed by Darryl Worley

07.  "Something Like That" as performed by Tim McGraw

06.  "So Young" as performed by The Corrs

05.  "Summertime" as performed by Geri Halliwell

04.  "Sand In My Shoes" as performed by Dido

03.  "Strawberry Wine" as performed by Deana Carter

02.  "Summer's Comin'" as performed by Clint Black

01.  "Soak Up the Sun" as performed by Sheryl Crow